The Reality of Mortality
“Mortality is like a distant train hurtling through the darkness toward us. It might seem like a long way off, but it’s coming.” That’s a fitting image of one of the few experiences shared by every human being. You might think that such a common experience would be easily absorbed. Think again.
The topic of mortality, of what comes next, remains a mystery. Really, who can know the truth of it. I can recall as a child trying to get my head around the idea of “not being”, forever and ever. It was a dark and utterly empty place to dwell, and really scary. On those nights sleep was elusive.
That was long ago and I’ve yet to confidently answer many of the biggest questions. But I’ve been trying and I’d like to share some of my thoughts below:
Facing Fear
One of the first steps in facing mortality is allowing ourselves to acknowledge our fear. The fear of pain and suffering, of loss of control or of being forgotten — these are natural human anxieties. Suppressing them rarely works. Naming them, however, can diminish them. Conversations with trusted friends, doctors, clergy and family members can transform our fears into something more manageable. When mortality is spoken about openly, it can become less isolating.
Adding Meaning to Our Lives
We read about the importance of leading a meaningful life. Of “giving back.” Not everyone has the time or is equipped with the capacity to work in a hospice or teach a child to read. But we can all live our lives with kindness and generosity. We can all be good friends and good listeners. We can smile at strangers, say “please” and “thank you”. We can judge less and forgive more. We can feel gratitude and express it. We can live with love in our hearts.
Living the best possible life today might well ease the transition to whatever follows.
The Soul/God/Spirituality Question
Crystallizing and sharing my thoughts on mortality is very much a work in progress. Here’s my current thinking:
When I’ve been asked, “do you believe in God?”, I like to quote Albert Einstein: “To know that what is impenetrable to us really exists, manifesting itself as the highest wisdom and most radiant beauty…is at the center of true religiousness.” Is that a belief in God? Perhaps. If so, it’s not a personal God, one who watches over me, guides my actions, judges me and others, and guarantees an afterlife. For the faithful among us, those who adhere to religious traditions that promise of an afterlife, a personal God provides offers much reassurance. These believers find comfort in absolute certainty. In fact, certainty appears to be a pre-condition of the faithful.
Einstein seems to be describing something else. He replaces a personal God with a universal essence that is shared among all living things. He has replaced certainty with curiosity about that which is profoundly unknowable. In my personal experience, during meditation and in a clear state of quiet consciousness, I have stepped outside myself and become an observer of my thoughts; perhaps I have touched the experience he describes. During those moments, to put a word to it, I feel I have touched my soul. I have merged with the state that existed before my birth.
As I said, my understanding and beliefs about mortality are a work in progress.
Practical Preparation
“Be prepared.” The Boy Scout motto is a good reminder. Identifying a trusted and effective surrogate, writing a will, organizing financial affairs, documenting healthcare wishes, and discussing end-of-life preferences are not morbid acts; they are gifts to those who will remain. They reduce uncertainty and spare loved ones from guesswork. Taking these steps often provides a surprising sense of control in the face of something inherently uncontrollable.
What Now?
Sometimes, two seemingly conflicting things can be true at once. “Live everyday as if it’s your last,” encourages a life lived fully in the present. “We know we are all going to die, only not today” suggests we not live in constant fear that our end might come suddenly, at any moment. So, live well. Be curious about everything, even your mortality. Meditate. Take good care of your body, it is the temple of your soul. Adjust your priorities to embrace exactly who you want to be. Follow the Buddha’s last instruction: “Do your best”.
In the end, the reality of mortality is not something to conquer. It is something to integrate.
Marvin Weinbaum coaches seniors through his website: coachweinbaum.com. He would like to hear from you so feel free to send your questions to marvin@coachweinbaum.com.
