When I teach medical students about healthy aging, there are several myths that I have to address. One is that older adults, especially those 65 and over, do not have active dating lives or are not interested in, or enjoy, sex. I refer them to the myriad online dating sites for seniors, like OurTimeã or Silver Singles, or tell them to watch the Golden Bachelor or Later Daters. Surprise, kids! And these days, we also teach medical students how to take a sexual health history. When is the last time your doctor asked you about your sex life? He or she should.
Another common misconception is assuming that the term sex refers only to partnered sex and intercourse, which is not the reality for many older adults who must adapt their sexual activity because of erectile dysfunction, vaginal dryness, arthritis, mobility limitations, effects of medication, or serious health conditions. Normal aging also brings physical changes that affect our weight, skin and muscle tone, leading us to worry that we’re no longer attractive, which can sometimes interfere with the ability to have and enjoy sex.
While health conditions, stress and worry, can get in the way of intimacy or sexual fulfillment, it’s nonetheless true that satisfying sex remains an important part of life and an important part of healthy aging for most of us seniors.
There are several established benefits to maintaining a healthy sex life. These include better heart health, stress relief, better sleep, a decrease in the risk of prostate cancer in men, and with menopause symptoms in women as well as strengthening the pelvic floor muscles. (And don’t forget about burning calories!)
Yes, it is true that sexual activity decreases with age. There are a few reasons for this: physical conditions can make sex difficult, tiring or painful and decreased levels of certain hormones, and some medications can affect desire, arousal and response. However, it’s important to remember loss of desire (libido) or problems with the “equipment” can be a symptom of an underlying medical condition that should not be ignored – by you or your doctor. “It’s just your age” should never be the answer.
For those wishing to remain sexually active who are experiencing problems with their sex life – whether physically, emotionally or both – there are healthcare providers who can provide information and treatment. Perhaps the two biggest physical problems older adults experience are vaginal dryness in women and erectile dysfunction in men. Both are normal consequences of aging and very treatable in most instances. Sometimes there are psychological issues interfering with a satisfying sex life as we age, such as depression, and this is very treatable as well. For those who are partnered, communication, even if difficult or awkward, can go a long way to avoid any misconceptions or misunderstandings that arise.
There’s a wealth of information on the internet but here are several reliable sources on sexual health as we age, see these links:
- Sexuality and Intimacy in Older Adults from the National Institutes on Aging
- Sexual Health and Aging from the American Geriatrics Society
- Older Adults Reveal What Produces Great Sex from Psychology Today.
